Delicious Monkey Bread Fail

Delicious Monkey Bread Fail

Or

Caramel shortcake

 What you'll need
1 Can of sweetened condensed milk
1 1/2 cup of self rising flour
3/4 cup of sugar
1/4 (about) cup of milk
2 eggs
1 stick of butter melted
1/2 (or so) cup of brown sugar

 Start by putting the sweetened condensed milk in a double boiler (which is a pan of boiling water under a pan filled with the milk)   This takes about an hour to caramelize so do this first. Also Preheat over to 350*

 Next mix the melted butter with the sugar
Add in one egg at a time while beating
Sift in flour 1 tbsp or so at a time
Add the milk and mix really well, dough will be really sticky

Fix a plate with brown sugar and flour up your hands
You will then pinch off balls of dough and drop it in the brown sugar. You may need to flour your hands over and over again so the dough doesn't stick to your fingers
Roll it around the sugar till it is fully covered

Plop the sugar coated balls into a non stick spray coated pan (you could also use butter or shortening)

 By now your caramel should be ready, pour it all over the top of the cake balls

Now throw it in the oven at 350* for about 35 min. Test to see if its done by sticking a toothpick in, if the toothpick comes out clean then its done!

Mmmm Hot gooey caramel goodness.
So it didn't really come out like monkey bread, but it had brown sugar swirls through out and had hard caramel goodness on top, and some soft caramel inside.
Really good.

Let me know if you tried this and how it turned out for you!

Bathtub turned Raised flower bed

 So my MIL has a random tub sitting on her porch

Its been there for quite some time laying on its side taking up room

I figured that it would make a great planter!

 We moved it to the edge of the porch that gets the most sun light.
Drilled holes into it.
(thats what he said)

We filled it with a layer of gravel rocks

Some sand

Then dirt.

LOTS OF DIRT.

Luckly for us there was enough top soil scattered about around her house that we didn't have to buy any.

 We then added some chicken wire to the back of the tub to provide a trellis for some plants to climb.

Ooo now its a tub of dirt.

So off to home depo to buy some seeds.

Honestly if I had it my way I'd get some seeds from a local organic farmer.

But this year we didn't have the time or money for it.

So home depo seeds have to do.

This is the layout of the garden.

Or a garden map if you will.

Theres cherry tomatoes and Big boy tomatoes. 

Which we are germinating inside and will transplant outside in a few weeks.

Parsley, then green beans.

Garlic below the parsley.

Carrots and collard greens in the bottom row.

Not a whole bunch of stuff, but enough fresh to add to a mostly canned food diet!

And its a small enough amount of veggies that my MIL can keep it neat.

Now the question, should I spray paint the tub and make it cute?

Let me know what you think in the comments!

Cheap mans Chicken and Dumplings

Are you in the mood for good home cooked soup.
Thick and creamy, full of flavor.
With a lot of your food groups?
But you have less than 5$ to spend?

Try a hand at my recipie of Chicken and Dumplings.
Feeds 3 really hungry adults and a toddler

Ingredients
1 big can of chicken breast
1 can of sweet peas
1 can of cut carrots
1 can of cream of chicken
1 pack of creamy chicken Ramen noodles (not the noodles just the flavor packet)
1 cup of flour
1 tbsp butter
seasonings of your choice (I suggest thyme, basil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder)

START SOUP
1) Combine Chicken, peas, and carrots in a large sauce pan, DO NOT DRAIN.
2) Add your seasoning, butter, and Ramen flavor packet, stir
3) Bring to a simmer while you fix dumplings

FIX EM DUMPLINS
1) Put cup of flour to mixing bowl
2) Slowly stir in broth from soup until flour is sticky but moist dough like

FINISH SOUP
1) Add cream of chicken to soup and stir till fully disolved, bring it back to simmering
2) Cover your fingers in dry flour and pinch off balls of dough. (What ever size you like, thick ones take longer to cook)
3) DO NOT STIR at this point, rotate the pan occasionally, dumplings will rise to top when cooked.

EAT.

I ate the dumplings before I took the picture, yes they were that yummie

oops

Well I was going to revamp this blog.
So I started deleting posts.
After deleting about six I was like,
Wait
I change my mind
too late.
Though I suppose nothing is really ever lost on cyber space.
I am by no means good enough to find where it went.
Anyways.
I figured fuck it, I'll just leave my earlier posts,
I just make new more exciting posts!
YEAH!
Though I'm not a very exciting person.
*shrugs*
OH well.
But yeah,
if you were oh so intrested and wondered why I deleted six posts.
(though I doubt it)
That's why.

Prefold "squish"

My style of putting a prefold diaper on

I call it the "squish" because you squish the middle instead of folding it.
Because I've noticed folding it can be hard with a pro-diaper escapee

Step 1) fold the middle in about one inch on either side, this makes it catch any solids that could leak out the sides.

Step 2) SQUISH it all together (make sure to keep the folds)

Step 3) Place baby in center of the squish.

Step 4) Pull up from the squish to cover babys crotch. Pull up tight as it will loosen when appling the snappy

Step 5) Snappy as quick as you can. Careful baby may roll

Here's the back

And cutie patootie posing.

You're not better, just lazier.

I'm starting to get angry at the whole "attached parenting" or "peaceful parenting" or "natural parenting" that is real popular right now.

The people who belong to such groups or label themselves part of those groups have this holier then thou attitude that really pisses me off.
I hate it.

For example breast feeding.

A large majority of these mothers breast feed.

Not all, but most.

And they always act like they are better than formula feeding mothers.

You're not better.
Yes you're doing the natural thing,
Yes you are giving your child immunities, and antibodies.
Yes yes yes, I KNOW "breast is best"

We as mammals are suppose to breastfeed.
Its why we have boobs.

(yeah not just sexy fun bags)

(though they are fun to play with )

But not all mother CAN breastfeed.

Sometimes its a medical condition, others its an environmental issue, and sometimes its mental.

(No I'm not saying formula feeding mothers are mental patients)

For example, an undiagnosed tongue tie can cause and improper latch making it so milk never comes in.

And even if milk does come in, nursing can be full of pain.
Or

A mothers family tells them they can't do it, that its gross or weird, that they don't make enough milk

(even when they do)

They didn't get to hold their child soon enough after the delivery, so the needed hormones were never released

Or

The mother is super modest and the thought of having to whip her boobs out to feed her child scares her

Maybe the mother was sexually abused and the act brings back memories.

Or

Maybe they just didn't want to.
That is the great thing about the modern age.

we have choices.

The point I'm trying to make is you don't know.

You aren't living that women's life.

You aren't her.

YOU DON'T KNOW.

So.

DON'T JUDGE

In fact, the way I see it is (most)breast feeding mothers are lazy.

(In case you don't know, I breastfeed and yes I am lazy)

Breastfeeding mothers don't have to clean and sterilize bottles every time they feed their child.

Breastfeeding mothers don't have to count scoops and measure water.

Breastfeeding mothers don't have to listen to their child fuss while they fix a bottle.

Breastfeeding mothers don't have to run to the store at 12 in the morning because they forgot to buy formula last time they went to the store and had hope that the last of the formula would last till the morning.

But formula feeding mothers do.

They do ALL that, and more that I don't know about because I don't formula feed.

So, breastfeeding moms....

Get off your fucking high horse!

You're not better, you're just lazier.
(please exclude mothers who try for months, through numerous problems, to breastfeed, those women are awesome imo)

Which leads me to Example two, Co-sleeping/bed sharing.

So you sleep with your child.

They rest their little heads close enough to hear the soft sound of your breath.

Maybe even close enough to hear the gentle pitter patter of you heart beat.

And I'm sure you've read countless "studies"
(Or should I say an article about an article about the actual study)

You know that co-sleeping has its great benefits.

And that its been done throughout time.

Who gives a flying rats ass?

Maybe they are heavy sleepers and don't want to roll onto their babies.

Maybe they take prescription pills.

Maybe they want to have sex without feeling awkward because the baby is in the same room.

Maybe they just want to stretch out in their own beds.

(god I wish)

Again.

You don't know how the other mother feels about it.

You don't know.

so

DON'T JUDGE!

And stop lying.

You don't co-sleep/bed share because its "better"

Co-sleeping mothers don't have to slowly and carefully put their child to bed every night.

Co-sleeping mothers don't have to get out of bed at night when their child wakes up.

Co-sleeping mothers don't have to work hard put their child BACK to sleep once they wake up in the middle of the night.

Co-sleeping mothers don't have to check the room because they are afraid the baby monitor isn't working.

Mothers of children who sleep in cribs do all this and MORE.

(again I don't know because I co-sleep)

So, co-sleeping mothers.

Are you on a fucking high horse too?

Get down, because you're not better, you're lazier!

I could go on and on and on.

Baby food, Discipline, cloth diapering.

But its pretty much the same idea.

Really the point of this whole blog post is.....

We are all moms, no matter HOW we mother our child(ren).

No matter HOW the child is fed, as long as you're feeding them your a good mom.

If your child sleeps by themselves in a crib or with you in bed, as long as they have a place to sleep you're doing good.

If you kid is provided for and loved you are doing a good job.

So keep up the good work Mommas, Mommies, and Mums!

Baby Nails

Baby nails.

Little daggers of love attatched to your childs groping hands.

They pinch and claw their way into your hearts.

Baby nails grow insanely fast.

You have to cut them atleast once a week,

or you get ripped to shreds.

I've found that Henry really doesn't like you playing with his hands.



How hard it is to capture a baby's hand



He pulls his arm away and starts yelling.

So I've found I have to cut his nails when he's sleeping.

But usually I'm stuck under him when he's sleeping.

I have to think in advance that I'm going to cut his nails.



Got his asleep!

Now time to cut.

Before

Them suckers were long.

After

Yay all nice and trim!