Women can never win.

You're probably in denial about your weight, That is what I woke up to this morning. Post like that make me sick, literally sick to my stomach. This self deprecation of woman's body gets me so heated, so angry that I can barely see straight.
We as women can never win.
If we are overweight but are happy with our selves we are in denial.
If we are skinny but happy with our selves we are anorexic.
We are thrown images daily, no scratch that HOURLY about how a woman "should" look.
Look at almost any magazine cover, watch almost any television ad and you get bombarded with images of medias ideal women.
Or you get images of women "to thin" or "to fat"

 Images like these

Then you get home and it doesn't end.
Online, on facebook, on blogs, on pinterest, tumbler, redit, everywhere you look you see images and posts hating on all shapes and sizes of women.
Its not right!
For example looking at clothes on Pinterest you can't scroll down without seeing "this outfit would be cute if the model wasn't anorexic." Or looking through funny images you can't scroll without seeing a picture of a woman with "Fat fat fattie"

And its not just one type of body that gets this type of attention its all kinds of body types.
skinny girls get told "to eat a sandwich" or regulary asked if they are anorexic, they get nicknames like stretch or bones.
Thick girls get an eye brow raise at a restaurant when they order fries instead of a salad, they get nick names like chubby or fatty.
Athletic girls get told they need to unwind, they need to eat a cheese burger. They get nicknames like beast, or dyke. They get asked if they take steroids
They all get asked,  "your going to eat all that?" You've probably heard that before, you probably just heard it in the condescending tone of voice you've heard it in all your life.
Its not fair, its not nice.
Why can't we support eachother, why can't we accept eachothers bodies?
WHY do we hate so damn much?
We need to not judge eachother based on body type, we need to accept who we are, and what we look like. Be happy with who WE are and not hate others for who THEY are.

Ugh this rambling rant is over. I hope my point came across clear.

Wayne

I've been delaying doing this post for a while now. I'm lost in thought, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm still in denial.
On March 21st 2012 we lost a good friend to suicide.
Wayne. Wayne was a good friend, a great friend. Full of heart he hid it from people who didn't really know him by being a sarcastic asshole. If you could get past his walls he was one of the best friends you could ever have. He was the first of my husbands friends that I hung out with. As soon as we got introduced he looks straight at my husband and says "Good choice, A whole lot better than the last one man" And gives me an ear to ear grin.

His ear to ear grin

After hanging out with him a few times he grew on me like moss on a tree. One evening I turned to him and said "Hey Wayne, I don't have many friends...... Will you be my friend." He blinked at me like I just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard. A grin slowly spreads across his face and he laughs "I don't think I've actually had anyone ask ME to be their friend...... Yeah, yeah Lorren I'll be your friend."

Though I loved him, I was one of the many. My husband considered him his best friend, and so did countless other. He was one of the guys that even though you hadn't hung out with him in a while, he'd still be there for you if you called and needed help.

"big smiles" A toast to Wayne
(At his memorial)

I don't know why he did what he did, I don't know the back story, I don't know how he felt. We saw him the Saturday before and nothing seemed amiss. But, now he is gone, we can never ask him why. I know he will be missed. Rest in peace Wayne, your demons can no longer get you where you are.

Quick bitch

I'm going to quickly bitch right quick.
Theres this women who is an aquantence.
I honestly think she is a horrible mother. Just my own opinion.
Her baby crys she turns up the volume on her tv or in her car.
Her baby is cranky and has a slight fever she gives him tylonal.
She's got almost the same amount of baby daddies as she has kids.
Her older kids don't live with her.
She seems like such a defeted women, always jumping from man to man.
She can't just be herself.
She can't learn to love who SHE is without a man.
Thats so sad. I feel sorry for her in that aspect because you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
Who knows she could be the sweetest person in the world.
But I don't think she lets people see that.
She puts on a front to protect herself, which only ends up hurting herself and her kids.
It urks me SO BAD.
There could be deep issues that she has.
I don't know. I don't really care.
What I care about is how someone takes care of their child.
That needs to be your life.
You need to show them at all times that they are important!
GUH it rattles my cage.

Okay rant over, have a nice day!