Wayne

I've been delaying doing this post for a while now. I'm lost in thought, I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm still in denial.
On March 21st 2012 we lost a good friend to suicide.
Wayne. Wayne was a good friend, a great friend. Full of heart he hid it from people who didn't really know him by being a sarcastic asshole. If you could get past his walls he was one of the best friends you could ever have. He was the first of my husbands friends that I hung out with. As soon as we got introduced he looks straight at my husband and says "Good choice, A whole lot better than the last one man" And gives me an ear to ear grin.

His ear to ear grin

After hanging out with him a few times he grew on me like moss on a tree. One evening I turned to him and said "Hey Wayne, I don't have many friends...... Will you be my friend." He blinked at me like I just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard. A grin slowly spreads across his face and he laughs "I don't think I've actually had anyone ask ME to be their friend...... Yeah, yeah Lorren I'll be your friend."

Though I loved him, I was one of the many. My husband considered him his best friend, and so did countless other. He was one of the guys that even though you hadn't hung out with him in a while, he'd still be there for you if you called and needed help.

"big smiles" A toast to Wayne
(At his memorial)

I don't know why he did what he did, I don't know the back story, I don't know how he felt. We saw him the Saturday before and nothing seemed amiss. But, now he is gone, we can never ask him why. I know he will be missed. Rest in peace Wayne, your demons can no longer get you where you are.

A Letter to Lucus.

I wrote this letter to a 6 year old boy who's 10 week old baby brother just died.

Dear Lucus,

                       You don't know me but my name is Lorren and my Momma is friends with your Momma. I heard that you lost your little brother. He's an Angel now. I lost my baby brother too, he was only 18 days old.
                       I know it's hard. Your Momma and Daddy are probably really sad. You might be sad too, or angry, or you might not understand how you feel. It's OKAY though. You can scream, you can cry, you can just sit and think if you need to.
                      Right now your Momma needs you to be her big helper. Can you do that? She needs your hugs and kisses. She needs your help doing little things around the house.
                      Your daddy needs help too. He needs help taking care of Momma and you.  He also needs your hugs and kisses too.
                      It's tough, I know, but it gets better. It might take a while, but everything will be okay. Your Parents love you, Noah loves you, and he is watching over you from Heaven.

An Understanding Friend.

Lorren.

Me holding my brother Nelyn